also i haven’t seen anyone mention it but at “i didn’t get the chance to say what i was gonna say, i think i’d better say it now” we were all thinking it right
because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you’re just supposed to … know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you’d been doing the right thing. she’d asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren’t supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don’t, but then you’re too serious. you’re not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you’re too quiet. you aren’t supposed to get passionate about things, but then you’re shy, boring. you aren’t supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you’re not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is “selfish” and what is “charity,” you give yourself over, fully. you’d rather be empty and over-generous - you’d rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you’re mean. since you don’t know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what’s happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don’t fuck up. they’re all testing you, always. they’re tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn’t get to attend - everyone else just… figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you’ve been playing catch-up. you’ve been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they’re telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you’ve totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you’re doing, and you automatically say i’m good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you’re piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is… just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you’re cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it’s working!
Can someone please explain to me what evaporated milk is? Wouldn’t that just be gas by definition? I live in constant fear
no no it’s what left behind after the milk has been evaporated cuz only the water goes, not the other stuff
THERE’S WATER IN MILK?
WHAT DID YOU THINK THE LIQUID WAS?
IDK ISNT MILK ITS OWN LIQUID?
NO
IT’S MILK-STUFF MIXED WITH WATER
MILK STUFF? DOESNT IT JUST COME FROM THE COW’S TIT?
ITS LIKE TIT JUICE, THERE IS WATER IN JUICE AND THERE IS WATER IN MILK
It’s fat droplets suspended in water, with some nutrients and soforth dissolved in it. You know, like ranch dressing.
Evaporated milk is just dehydrated milk.
Obsessed with the user who assumed milk was its own element on the periodic table
As op I felt like I had to make this
Milk, the forbidden 119th element
the only question left is if it’s a metal, non-metal, or metalloid.
OP seems to have classified it as a special case of halfnium, reclassified as a lanthanide. This has fascinating implications for electron orbital geometry.
Anyway it’s a rare earth metal apparently.
Yes I definitely classified it intentionally and knew exactly what I was doing when I put it with the lanthanides because I am never wrong
MILK IS A RARE EARTH METAL
I thought so, I took one look at your classification and immediately thought “this is definitely someone with a deep understanding of how the periodic table works”
I’m glad that we have reached a consensus on the expected elemental properties of milk
That would involve writing a crash course in how suborbitals work on a post about whether water (the primary ingredient in milk) is in milk and even for tumblr that’s going a bit far
no, it is absolutely not going too far
You guys always complain that you don’t get to learn stuff in normal ways and then you come asking for this
MILK IS SEVERAL COMPOUNDS PLEASE YALL ARE KILLING ME OVER HERE
We have a container of dry milk because in addition to a little fat and sugars, it contains proteins, which settle into the pores of nitrocellulose membranes, making sure analytical proteins (specific antibodies) don’t get trapped. We could just use casein (one of the proteins in milk), but milk is much cheaper and can also be found at Walmart.
No milk is a lanthanide keep up
lanthanide?
I think you mean lactanide
I will put lego in all of your shoes
A cube of milk with 3 inches of edge length can blow up the galaxy.
Our galaxy is actually the result of such an explosion, that’s why we call it the Milky Way
this is a unique sort of thread in which you’ll find two types of people exclusively: nerds and dumbasses
Enter OCEAN EYES and NOT DEAD YET, two of the king’s most quarrelsome stablehands.
OCEAN May one explain what powdered milk doth be? Is it not gas? I live in constant fear.
NOT DEAD The water flees to air, the rest is left. The dry debris then forms the powdered milk.
OCEAN Thou sayest water doth reside in milk?
NOT DEAD Pray tell what thou believ’st the liquid is?
OCEAN Is milk not one pure substance in itself?
NOT DEAD No; ‘tis only milk-stuff mixed with water.
OCEAN Yet milk appears from living cows’ own tits!
NOT DEAD ‘Tis juice from tits, yet water still it holds. If water be in juice, then ‘tis in milk.
Enter DERIN, the scarlet pescatarian.
DERIN ‘Tis drops of fat afloat in water, As if ‘twas dressing for thy greens. With water gone, the powdered milk remains.
A NOTE attached to an arrow, written by BURNING BRAND, flies through the window.
BURNING BRAND’S NOTE Obsessed with he who foolishly believ’d That milk is element of chemistry.
The NOTE crumbles to ash. BURNING BRAND is not seen again.
OCEAN As he who instigated such a fight, I felt that this creation was my duty.
OCEAN unrolls a scroll of parchment with a flourish.
OCEAN Behold, ‘tis milk, one hundred and nineteen.
Enter JASON FUNDER BERKER, a frog.
JASON FUNDER BERKER And yet the burning question still remains: ‘Tis metal, not, or somewhere in between?
JASON FUNDER BERKER does not wait to hear the answer, and exits.
DERIN A lanthinide! A special case, I see. How fascinating, geometrically. But let us leave atomic musings be. For milk is a rare metal of our Earth.
OCEAN Of course it is, for I am always right. My choices are, of course, deliberate.
DERIN I do not doubt thou speakest truth, my lord Thy brilliant mind is utterly unmatch’d. It seems that an agreement has been reach’d.
OCEAN Of course; however, in sincerity I wish to know thy scholar-driven thoughts.
DERIN I fear ‘twould be beyond thy comprehension. To teach to thee would take this much too far.
Exit OCEAN, in a huff. Enter JESIN, BOOP BOOP, FLIPOCRITE, VELVET, and LOVELY DREAMS, curious onlookers attracted to the scene.
JESIN Do teach us, it would not take this too far!
DERIN Ye all complain of learning strangely, Then ask me baiting questions such as this!
BOOP BOOP Thy gross ineptitude shall be my death! Milk is formed of small component parts. The fat, the sugars, proteins all combine They seep through pores of membranes in this drink Unpleasant compounds all are filter’d out. All this obtained for small amounts of coin.
DERIN No, milk is lanthanide, pray keep the pace.
FLIPOCRITE The word thou mean’st is lactanide, I think.
DERIN May sharpened pain-shaped stones fill up thy shoes So that thou never know’st a moment’s peace.
VELVET A cube of milk, three inches on each side Could blow up the entire galaxy.
DERIN Our galaxy was formed in such a fashion. ‘Tis why we gave it name of “Milky Way.”
LOVELY DREAMS Thus ends our entertainment for the night Here fools and pompous scholars come to fight.
Exuent, pursued by a cow.
(Shakespearean adaptation format inspired by @mortimermcmirestinks in this post)
Youpeople have no right to be this funny on my dash so early in the morning
This is one of those threads that would go perfectly as a video set to “in the hall of the mountain king” and we all know it, I’m just not gonna be the one to make it
